Worst. Weekend. Ever.

I just had what is officially my WORST. Weekend. EVER. Although technically it all started way back before Labor Day! You see, I woke up the 5th with an awful cough. Just horrible, hacking, gagging cough. Which made me pull a muscle in my back. By the 11th I was miserable. The cough was getting worse, nothing would kill it, and my back was protesting. I could practically hear it. “You idiot, you have insurance now (thanks Obama!) GO TO THE DOCTOR. We hurt. Something is WRONG. Plus WebMD said you have a pulmonary embolism so clearly you cannot trust them.”

Finally I listened. Off I went to the Minute Clinic, where I found out they can’t treat back pain. Lovely. However she diagnosed me with acute bronchitis and acute sinusitis. As a happy bonus she mentioned that if it doesn’t get better in a few days to see my regular doctor since people on birth control are also more at risk for a pulmonary embolism. Damn you WebMD. She prescribed me some Amoxicillin and Tessalon Perles as well as Flonase. I ended up at Dollar Tree buying one of these little guys…

When did I get old enough to need one of these?!

When did I get old enough to need one of these?!

Right, just give me a couple more cats and my life is complete. I already knit and watch Golden Girls… geez. Flash forward to about the 16th. For those keeping track at home that means: 9 doses of Amoxicillin, 14 doses of the Tessalon Perles, and 5 doses of Flonase. I wake up miserable. Everything hurts, the cough has not gone away, nothing is working. So I begin what ends up being a 3 day endeavor to get in to see my regular doctor.

Finally, the 18th, I just show up at my doctor’s office 10 minutes before it even opens and beg for a visit with a doctor, any doctor, I don’t care if it’s a vet. Luckily someone has cancelled for an 8:15 appointment with one of the doctors there and I snap it up. She’s a DO, which I’ve never heard of and google almost immediately. The gist is that they believe in full body healing and that everything effects everything else and holistic and massage and now we’re talking! A massage? YES PLEASE. Here’s a link to more info on what a DO is.

She is super nice and I really like her. She listens to my story, which I wrote down before going. Including my new found side effect of Amoxicillin, that my stomach has become a traitor. After a bit of listening with her nurse’s stethoscope (hahaha) she says I have a severe sinus infection, but instead of being focused in the front of my sinuses, like normal, and causing severe pain, it’s in the back. Which means lots of drainage, coughing, and light headedness, plus my ears are filled. She prescribes me a stronger antibiotic, Ciprofloxacin, as well as cough syrup which I think is Hydromet. Either way it’s gonna knock me out at full dose she says so do a half a dose during the day when I have to function. But she also decides to write me off work for the rest of the day.

While I’m waiting for her to return with the prescriptions and note I’m coughing up a storm. She pops her head back in and says she’s decided since I’m so bad and waiting on print outs anyways she wants them to give me a steroid shot. So, I get a shot in the rear. Lovely. Finally I get set free to deliver my note to work (I am later told I looked like crap) and pick up my prescriptions. The nice pharmacist offered to flavor my cough syrup, but since the flavor on sale was bubblegum I declined. Turns out the cough syrup is actually flavored like berries anyways. Best cough syrup I’ve ever had! I have big plans for Saturday night so I spend all that day resting at home with Panda.

That belleh is a TRAP!

That belleh is a TRAP!

Saturday rolls around and I’m coughing less, but my stomach is still being a jerkwad. However, I will somehow power through and around 3pm I head off with my dad to Wilmington to go see C’est La Guerre’s production of Bukowsical (still running at Front St. Brewery, go see it! Review soon.) About 1/3 of the way up I suddenly feel carsick. I think it’s a combo of medicine and playing on my phone so I crank the AC, kick back the seat and close my eyes while I try not to think about how fast I’m going. It works enough to get us to Wilmington where I have Dad pull off into a quiet deserted area off the highway so I can retch. Figuring maybe it’ll make me feel better. It does, because I promptly projectile vomit roasted tomato pasta salad and chocolate cream horns into a pile of ants. I’m sure they’re thrilled. I feel so much better that we continue on our night… until about halfway through the first act of Bukowsical when my stomach decides to declare war.

The pain, is like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. I’m freaking out in my seat praying for intermission hoping maybe I just need a bathroom. Though it feels like I’m being disemboweled. Sharp, stabbing, knifey pains all through my abdomen. I can’t figure out if it’s stomach or intestine or even lady bits. What the hell is going on?! Intermission hits and I dash for a bathroom. As I stand in line a stabbing pain hits and I nearly double over. The bathroom is vastly unhelpful and I come back the hall to the seating area absolutely terrified. Something is wrong, deep inside of me something is wrong and something is dying and maybe it’s me. Could it be appendicitis? Diverticulitis? An ulcer? Cancer?! My hypochondria rears it’s head as I inform dad we need to leave. I don’t WANT to. I was enjoying the show. But I HAVE to. I want to head home. I don’t voice it, but in my head I’m wondering if we’ll make it past Brunswick Hospital. So we make our apologies to our friends at C’est La Guerre and he goes to get the car 2 blocks away while I work my way to the street.

I spend the ride home in the back of the car, lying down, crying, panting, and making Dad wonder if he’s about to witness the second coming of Jesus. Seriously, it’s like I’m in labor. More than once he asks, as delicately as he can, if I’ve had a water break. No dad. No water has broke, I’m not pregnant. I haven’t been in a position to have gotten pregnant. For the love of god shut up and drive I just wanna be curled up in a ball on my bathroom floor. I do make it home. Barely. There is more projectile vomiting, and 2 bathroom visits and then I pass out in my bed.

This morning I feel better, but as I’m researching how to battle the side effects of my antibiotics I come across horror stories from people who ate Activia while on antibiotics and had the same symptoms I did. Epic pain, bloating, and just generally feeling like something is tearing you apart inside. Guess WHAT? I had ate Activia Friday at lunch and Saturday at breakfast hoping it’d help my stomach because probiotics and stuff. Awesome. I gave the rest of the Activia to my mom and went back to the drawing board for my stomach.

To top it all off, I discovered on Friday night that all the websites on my server had been hacked! Including this one. So I spent all my free time since fixing them. It was fun.



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